Monday, December 12, 2005

The Boring Chronicles of Narnia


Narnia seems to be getting pretty good reviews all round. Frankly speaking I found it a bore. I can't remember the last time I watched a movie and fell asleep. To Narnia's credit I didn't fall asleep during but that was because I was eagerly awaiting the massive battle scene at the end that I thought would be the movie's redemption. Unfortunately no, Narnia is over two hours of boring scenes of talking animals and bad acting by the child leads.

I've never read the source material by C.S. Lewis so I can't say how faithful the movie was to the book. What I can say though is that if the movie follows the books closely then the books may not be worth reading. If you're turned off by the alleged Christian allegory well I'm pretty sure you won't notice it. People are pointing to the resurrection of a certain character in the movie and going "there... you see... a Christian reference". Well hardly, it's a fantasy story and resurrections are pretty common place. I mean even Gandalf was resurrected before wasn't he?

To summarise the story, it's about a group of four siblings referred to in the movie as two sons of Adam and two daughters of Eve. It's probably more accurate if you called them two sons and two daughters of Adam and Eve but that really sounds a lot less cooler. The four children live London during what I think is the Second World War. They are sent off to live with some professor fella in a mansion and it is there where they stumble upon a wardrobe which acts as a portal to another world, namely the perpetually winter land of Narnia.

The winter is not natural. It is fact an effect of the land being ruled by its self proclaimed queen, Jadis the White Witch, a real ice cool queen who wears a crown of ice stalactites. She's played by Tilda Swinton and she's the only character in the whole movie who's worth watching. Anyway there's a prophesy going around that four human children will enter the world of Narnia and release it from the rule of the White Witch. Up till this point your imagination would run wild thinking of how four wee kids will be able to stand up to the queen and her army of minotaurs, cyclopses, wolfs, polar bears, etc...

Well the thing is the four children are basically useless. After going through the movie you can't quite figure out they actually helped anyone to defeat the queen. Basically the only one who does any work in the movie is the rightful ruler of Narnia, the Lion King Aslan who is voiced by Niam Leeson. Sure Liam has a commanding voice. Pity that the lion is animated awfully. The lion basically looks out of place in every scene he's in. He's a constant blur of flur. The only time I felt the lion looking realistic was when he was given the Gillette treatment (i.e. without his mane).

Of the four children the eldest one is seen leading the army into the final battle but we never see him making any strategic decisions. It's like they just went into the battle without any planning at all. He basically rides around in his unicorn and swings his sword around. The younger boy basically stands atop a cliff and commands the archers to fire... once. Of the two girls, one is an archer and the younger one carries a knife. The archer shoots her arrows twice in the movie while the little girl does nothing with her weapon. You see they hardly do any killing and they don't even provide any kind of leadership. The movie basically could do without the kids. Don't even get me started with who kills the White Witch in the end... nope it's not one of the kids. Like I said, they're useless.

Another thing that really bugged me was the music. It's awfully out of place especially during the earlier parts of the movie. It's hard to describe what's wrong but basically the music is a little too contemporary. There's also an awkward appearance by Santa Claus who acts as an arms dealer to the kids.

Now if you're still planning to watch the movie, stay for the credits. There's a little bit more story there.

posted by wyejon at Monday, December 12, 2005 (permalink) |

6 wise words from our readers:

a golden opinion from Blogger neotrax

i'm suppose to watch tomorrow night. i wished, i did not browse to your blog. darn!!

anyway, i'm still going coz i've got free tics. hope that i don't fall asleep in there.

5:05 PM  

a golden opinion from Blogger wyejon

nah... don't take my word for it... many more people seem to like it than those who don't.

5:11 PM  

a golden opinion from Blogger keensoon

Santa Claus IS an arms dealer for kids. I mean who else can afford all the logistical effort to get all those "present" to kids all over the world in 1 night?

Living in the North Pole to evade all that tax, FBI scrutiny and live in obscurity all year round to jaga his production line some more .... All for the sake of teddy bears, dolls, cars, board games?!?!?!

>>>> I don't think so !!!

1:32 AM  

a golden opinion from Blogger * Dream Weaver *

I beg to differ(but it just my opinion)I thought that Narnia was a wonderful movie though at the start it was rather slow but it was faithful to the book and there WAS more than one reference made to Christianity. Maybe you should read the book - it was rather nice.

Oh and yes... JACKS PLACE sucks!

9:12 PM  

a golden opinion from Blogger wyejon

dream: everyone likes narnia except for me ;p hahahaha... don't think I'll read the books... I bought LOTR and havent touched it. I've stopped reading books since leaving school.

11:13 PM  

a golden opinion from Blogger * Dream Weaver *

wyejon: GASP!!! *shudder* I think Narnia is more delightful to read. LOTR was super detailed but in the end I coulnd't put it down... ok... maybe I am just a super bookworm! *hehehe*

12:33 AM  

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